know how sometimes you suggest something not knowing how much suggesting it could kick you in the ass in the long run?
i hate feeling something is finally and completely in your grasp, only to almost have it wrenched violently out of your hands...
i don't think i'm going to have to fight for it, but i'm ready to, just in case.

i had an amazing experience today. just when things get crazy and i wonder why the hell i want to be a journalist, things like today happen and i realize how much i love it.
baz and i had to get footage for our tv news story. we hoped to be able to film protesters downtown, but when we arrived, there was nothing. a plethera of police officers, but no journalists.
after cursing the world, we walked to the church end of church street and sure enough, a group of protesters were gathered. i was jumping up and down. "I SEE SIGNS!!!!" it was relieving, to say the least because i was convinced we'd never get the project done and bob would kill us.
we interviewed a few of the protesters, got a lot of footage of their gathering, and recorded my first stand-up as a journalist...which was a horrible experience, but hopefully it looks ok. i was so nervous...
then they started a parade, so we followed that, getting shots of everything and all that jazz. we interviewed two passerbys--one of whom was MY TONY!!!! i was thrilled to see him, i've missed him since graduation. and a kid from UVM who was pretty chill.
it was just amazing--i didn't feel like a student working on a project...i felt like a journalist.
and the atmosphere was great--no matter what people say, burlington is a great town.
i'm happy.

my presentation will be finished today--i just have to update the 20th century and doublecheck some things. i can finish it. i know i can i know i can.
and i'll do a good job presenting it.
honest.
I NEED IT TO BE MONDAY!!!!

presentation's almost done. i'll finish tomorrow.
howie won a BMA (boston music award) tonight. there's a lot of talk on buzzing about the fact that this is his ticket to the bigtime. while i'm thrilled for howie (obviously), i don't know. i mean, i wish nothing but the best for him, but over the course of the past months, i find as he gains popularity, he loses touch with those who really got him started. i don't know, i guess part of it is the fact that i've had a chance to deal with people who truly deserve success and fame and all that and were still really mad cool people, completely gracious and great to be around. and who would do anything to help.
and i'm still stuck on the fact that when i tried to get in touch with him for the interview for the radio thing, i got nothing. not even a "can't do it, sorry." nothing. and i could have been trying to talk to the wrong people, and i could have not even have reached him, but whatever. others have been so cool about this shit (hell, even david gray's people got back to me to tell me no, and he's a lot bigger than howie), and howie was the one person i really wanted to be able to reach. and while i take nothing away from his musical ability, because he's incredibly talented, which is why i still listen to his stuff, i guess i built up a perception about what he would be like that was completely wrong. which isn't his fault, it's mine, but it still affects how i view him.
i don't even know what i'm saying because it's almost 4 and i have to be at work in 6 hours, so i'm going to sleep.

time for my last radio show of the semester--or at least i think it's the last one i'm doing. you can listen to it here.

As sure as the rose
the bright day blooms
as surely still it fades
and the night kindles stars
on empty winds
and ghosts along the collonades
and slow but sure
the sands are falling
as the bridge burns
beneath the wheel
and the mystery of love
it just keeps growing
the more my heart reveals
the more my heart reveals
- mystery of love

i feel like i'm never going to get everything done. i'm starting to get nervous, but right now, it's not like i can really work on it...
and i'm tired and stressing and ready to just GO TO WASHINGTON ALREADY.
GRRRRRR.

ok, time to resume paper writing.
shoot me. please.
and can i just say that i HATE IT when a guy can sing, play guitar, AND play piano??? especially when it's someone i used to have a thing for...GRRRR.
ok, time to write.
peace the fuck 8.

wait. i'm probably going to meet clint in a week.
AURGH!!!!!

waking up today was difficult, but john gave me backrubs in class, which made me so happy. he commented that i was really tense.
first of all, i am always, constantly, FOREVER tense. that is why backrubs help so much. second, OF COURSE I'M TENSE!!! i have all this shit to do in less than a week and i'm freaking out (a bit). like i'm going to be completely relaxed...
i've become addicted to bridget jones...i know, about time, right?
i need to get my work done, go tanning, and come up with a list of what i need to get before i go to d.c. namely, what books i need to buy for the flights. i'm thinking bridget jones and possibly the virgin suicides? if you have any recommendations, let me know

it's 2:30. i have eight pages of my paper done--i started from scratch tonight. in about three hours, i had half my paper done, and i think it sounds coherent. i'll hopefully finish up tomorrow.
i will get everything done. honest.

it is random how things work out sometimes.
stopped and talked to caleb on my way to work--i think it was the longest conversation we've had in months--granted it was only a few minutes, but it was nice...and he's finally realized the whole mcdonald's thing doesn't bother me, so perhaps he'll be cool with it from now on. it was nice to be able to talk to him without the usual sneering and sarcastic barbs--just talking.
rick told me to bring my guitar into work and he'll tune it and show me a couple things on it. ROCK!!! and it amused me that he identified the guitar on my shirt and told me how it can be identified as such.
i get to run the follow spot during the talent show.
PLAYHOUSE FLASHBACK!!!!!!

all i want in the world is to be able to be mad at him. and i can't.
AURGH!!!

i finally put some of my webcam pics up here. so now you can laugh at me. :)

alright, i'm home. the birthday was fun!
due to the fact that my matress is in asuka's old room and becca and i are lazy, i've set up a temporary two room system. the room with my computer is the work room, while asuka's room is my temporary bedroom. so i now have two phone numbers and all that fun stuff. it amuses me.
i finally got pictures back from new year's eve and halloween. i'm going to try to get some of them scanned in soon.
but now, i need to sleep. i'm exhausted.
paper will be written tomorrow. i promise myself. trip to the library and all. :)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BECCA!!!!

today, instead of working on my paper, i took the baby of the family (our new car--i thought we'd never own a white car, but i like it a lot) and drove around proctor, revisiting places i hadn't been to in ages. it was part two of "vickie reminiscing"--the first part occurred friday afternoon.
during that jaunt, i drove up past the high school, then took the left up the warner ave hill, turning left again onto ormsbee ave. i drove past megan's house, brian's house, and the proctor mansion. i had a flashback to either my sophomore or junior year of high school, when i would go play L.Y.G.O.S.H.A.S. (like you go save hostages and stuff) during summer evenings. one night we crept onto the mansion grounds and behind what used to be the stables, so we could try to hear the shrieks of the haunted horses that are supposed to linger on the grounds. supposedly one of the proctors (who went a little crazy) had killed his favorite horse there. we crept about the little stone path, hoping we didn't slip and enjoying the sensation of trespassing and being daring.
i then pulled into the parking lot of the library and took the path through the woods to view sutherland falls, which i hadn't done since probably junior year. i used to love to sit on a large rock there and watch the water rush past the rocks at the bottom of the falls (the first portion of it, the second and smaller falls can only be accessed down by my old house) while the crashing water drowned out all other sound.
it was a beautiful afternoon, before i move back to school for the summer, i want to bring a camera and take pictures.
today, i drove through the cemetery, stopping at robin chuses' grave. he was a few years older than i, and he died when he was 12 in a car accident that resulted in completely breaking the family apart. his house was at the top of the hill below which i now live, and in '91 i believe, his mother killed his father at that house. it was a big proctor scandal. there is a tree in a pot at his grave now, the tree has got to be five or six feet tall now. it amazed me how much time has passed.
then i drove past the marble company and pulled into the parking lot so i could look at all of the piles of marble in the fenced-off area just past the lot. i recalled walking to the area via the railroad tracks prom night of my junior year. we had walked beneath the bridge to an old box car and climbed on top of it, seeing who was brave enough to walk from car to car, then taking the tracks to the marble area. there was a small tree on a little hill that we called the joshua tree, and we ran about the area, wondering when security or the police would find us. then we continued on the tracks to my house, where i said goodnight to everyone and went inside. i remember andrew walked me from the end of my street to my house while everyone else waited at the end of the street for him to return.
it's strange, realizing that happened four years ago--when i remember the fear of my dress not being finished in time like yesterday. when i drove past megan's house, where i practically lived during most of high school, that i hadn't been there for over three years.
and that, for the most part, these past few days were the first times i'd taken a look at my old haunts since i'd left for college.

VICKIE'S RESEARCH PAPER UPDATE:

after a 9 hour hiatus, i resume writing. i am currently on page 7, and i have worked up to 1709. i figure if i condense thought a bit and focus more on the actual performance of shakespeare rather than the history affecting that performance and then add my other sources, i'll have this fucker written without problem.

my brother is 18 today. or as he says, "17 and 365 days."
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TOM!!!!

i hate research papers.
i know, compared to the thousands of people who love research papers, but i feel like bitching dammit. ;)
i'm on page 3, almost page 4. just barely beginning to discuss restoration. the paper will be writen with minimal problems, but it's just a pain to write and i think kirk'll know i didn't really enjoy writing it. not mentioning that i'm going to be worried about my grade.
but hey, i'll write what comes to mind, i'll then edit, and i'll have time to revise before it's due.
it'll be all good.
but i can't wait to get back to school and...discuss the meaning of life.
oh, i wrote someone today and told him i'm not going to try talking to him until i hear from him. i doubt i'll hear anything, but whatever. one less stress to worry about. well, not that i won't worry about it because well, i'm stupid. but still...
ok, back to my paper.