The life and times of an American college student struggling to get by, meanwhile discovering the meaning of life and writing the great American novel. It's me, enough said.

Saturday, December 23

have i ever mentioned that i know some truly amazing, wonderful people? love you guys.

Thursday, December 21

ok, i think we've gotten in contact with everyone to whom this would come as a very unpleasant manner of informing them of the following information...
lexi's dead. she was in a car accident yesterday afternoon on her way down to NYC.
ever have one of those people who you don't talk to on a constant basis, but whenever he or she pops into your life for an update session, it's like you're right back on the same page again? aren't those great types of friends because they're always there for you unconditionally?
lexi was one of those friends. she's made me laugh like no one has been able to make me laugh.
and now she's gone.
sorry for the glum post, but i needed to vent a little. i'm not even close to how much i will be venting soon, but that's not appropriate for the web.
tell your friends and family how much you love them. please?

this is so not fucking fair.

Tuesday, December 19

much as i might complain and bitch about my family, all things considered, i am way too lucky to have them. i really don't deserve them whatsoever. but i'm glad they haven't realized that yet and i love them lots.


keeping track of bands i want to look up when i get back to school.

Monday, December 18

i am in awe of myself today. yes, i know that sounds amazingly egotistical, but i found a random blank cd in my cd case this evening and put it in the player to see what it was. well, it just happened to be an amazing mix that i must have made this summer. only i would make such a mix, with howie day and then slipknot, but it truly impressed me. every new song that came on made me squeal with delight.
once again, i ruled the store this evening. and blasted howie and danced around and broke a coffeepot. i think it was the first glass item i've ever broken there. ooops.

i got my phone bill today. DAMN PHONE COMPANIES!!!!!!
i am officially in major debt. this sucks.

my favorite closing job at work is wash. i love being sent back there in the early evening and left alone to do what i need to do. i get to play my music, dance around, show off how efficient i am...i was done with all of the major dishes tonight at 7:15. i was playing the "BREAK RULES GET ME STUFF TO CLEAN EARLY" game. it ruled.
it was just a very pleasant evening, made all the better because i had john mayer, david gray, and howie to keep me company with my cds. :-)
oh! and i found a wonderful show on EQX...sunday nights 8-11. EQX download. indie stuff. i'm going right now to look up some of the artists i heard. i know there was one song i loved called "army ants".

Sunday, December 17

oh, almost forgot to discuss my near-death experience tonight. roads were pretty ok driving home tonight, much better than i'd thought. but remember that statistic about people dying or something like that in accidents less than a mile from their homes? well, i was fine til i got to the hill by my house. then? oh i start sliding. i figure i'll go as far down the hill past my turn as required (hoping i don't, you know, hit any houses or anything). then i start turning. wound up completely sideways. but remarkably, hit nothing. i was very impressed with myself, although for a little bit, i thought i'd be going straight into the ditch i had always been terrified of, where i would be knocked either completely or mostly unconscious, leaving me unable to escape before the intrepid burst into flames. i know, i only had a second to think these thoughts, but i thought them nonetheless.
but i survived, and my accident free track record (minus the blown tire at the gas pump, because that doesn't count) remains clear. :-)
ha winter! i take you on and i win.

i can still never get used to the sensation of coming home. i spent most of this morning and afternoon with my mother, christmas shopping and talking about just about anything. it felt really nice to have a girls' day out, on the comfortable friendship level, rather than mother/daughter differences. it was neat.
then i went to work. ah, dear work. it is always interesting to come back to the fair haven scene and see how no one has changed. whatsoever. in many respects, the people there are just the same as they were when i started working there as a 15-year-old. it's one thing if the people have stayed there the whole time (more on that soon). but when people go away and come back and are so ridiculously rude, it just baffles me. liz fenton knows what it's like to be on my side of the counter. yet she has to carry this high and mighty attitude with me, which i don't understand whatsoever. fine, she graduated from uvm. big fucking deal. where is she now? why is she still spending her mother's money? once she gets out there, finds herself in a career that leaves her self-sufficient and successful, and has the decency of showing compassion for other individuals, then and only then will she earn my respect. until then? she's simply a nobody who's trying to act important. and failing miserably.
and then there's jeremiah. dear, sweet jeremiah. i should like jeremiah. after all, he's a rutherford. i'm friends with joshua. i adore james, crazy as he may be. so why don't i love jeremiah? perhaps because he's also egotistical. and ridiculous. i've known he's ridiculous for years, as well as the fact that the boy is trying so hard to convince everyone (himself included) that he's straight. i'm sorry, but "i love to decorate, i always wear sweaters and sandals, do you think they'd serve me tea at this bar" is a fucking SEARCHLIGHT sign of something. but then i feel bad for trying to send him to lucas' team. but it's true...
anyway, having gotten that out of my system, i was on my break tonight when jeremiah walked in. the most i have spoken to him in approximately a year and a half follows:
*ring ring*
jeremiah: hello?
vickie: is josh there?
jeremiah: no. who is this? chris?
vickie: no, it's vickie.
jeremiah: oh, even better. no, he's not. he's at work.
vickie: thank you.
*jeremiah and vickie hang up sharply at same time*
i have had no desire to talk to him. why do i need to anymore? the whole saga has passed. i've moved on. yet he sits down and calls me a bitch because i "hate him" after that phone conversation.
i do not hate jeremiah. i do not pretend to hate jeremiah. i simply have no need for jeremiah. he was a part of my past. he was an asshole to me in the past. he fucking harrassed me in the past along with katie. but that's not me anymore. and he could fall off the face of the planet and i wouldn't really notice. except for the fact that he wouldn't stop in at work anymore.
i thought it was amusing though. that he thought calling me a bitch would hurt me. when in fact it made me laugh. and realize how much past that whole saga i truly am.
i found one of my favorite books as a child and have started rereading it. "emily of new moon" by l.m. montgomery. i love the sensation of curling up in a chair and returning to the world of prince edward's island. and it feels just the same as when i first read it when i was 10.
it made for a happy me.